It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
