He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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