there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
