I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
