Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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