All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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