Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
