We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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