i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am available for nakedness
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
