in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize