You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
