You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
