he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
