he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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