I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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