You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
