We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
