I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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