just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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