he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
