oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
