i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
