Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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