woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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