Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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