we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
