i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
