My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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