So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
