he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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