Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think I sprained my soul last night
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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