And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
