I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
