She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I checked into jail on foursquare
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
