You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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