she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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