Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
