singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
