I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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