I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
