so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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