I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
