This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
