You're completely useless in the revolution.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
