Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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