I can tuck mytits in my pants
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
