So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
