so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
