I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize