There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
