I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
