She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
