I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
