genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
be right there i have to get my cape
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
