Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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