Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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