At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
