where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
