He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
