i would punch a child for taco bell
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
