I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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