Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
