Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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