The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
