i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
