You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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