Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
