Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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