i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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