You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
