peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
