I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
