Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
