too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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