I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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