Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
