His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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