She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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