Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
A+ Viking dick
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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