one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize