what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
