im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
