if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
