also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
