why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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