Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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