Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How does it feel to date your dad?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
