I'm gonna have a badass scar
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
